Wagon? I don't see no stinking wagon!

I have fallen off the healthier life style wagon. I have not written down the foods I have consumed since Wendy and I last weighed. I have let too many hours pass between meals so that I am ravenous and shaky with low blood sugar. I have not walked around the lake or danced Bollywood style either. I have chosen to eat candy, ice cream and fish and chips.

I should also share that I have been struggling with great sadness. My Great Aunt Dorothy passed away after Thanksgiving. She was the last of that generation. My Uncle Ed passed away last month. He is the first of his siblings to pass. These losses have stirred in me the emotions I have surrounding other losses I have not come to terms with.

While I have read about people being emotional eaters, and I assumed I was/am one too, I have come to realize I use food like some use alcohol and drugs. I know just the right combination of carbs and fat to ingest to get the desired physical high. Without the physical effects of my food-chemistry, these emotions have been much sharper and more painful. I am not practiced at feeling them at this intensity level. I cry at the drop of a hat and bite the heads off my family with little provocation. The old man at the gas station that pulled up to the gas pump I was pulling up to got the dirtiest look and it was all I could do not to tell him of his ill conceived birth and questionable parentage. Who knows what the neighbor boys were thinking when they skateboarded by as I was raking the leaves and sobbing.

I will post this and go for a walk, and probably a good cry. Maybe I should don one of Roger's old ratty fishing sweatshirts and my hunters hat so that I look like a scruffy mumbling street person. The crying would then be in character. It is that or eat more peanut M&Ms.
Amy

Physics is not my strong suit...

but it is Amy's. We weighed on Sunday at the beach. Each of us are down 4 pounds now. Woo hoo. And I always wonder where this weight goes, like shouldn't it mess with the universe and the rotation of the earth? So once again, I asked Amy to explain this to me. Have it on camera, well, audio, to refer back to. We both recognize the need for more exercise; this last week it was not in the mix at all. Started the week on a good note, a brisk lovely walk at the beach in Westport. Sun shining, only sweatshirts needed. Wish I was still at the beach! Happy Monday, here's the science lesson:

Who is texting me at 7am????

OMG!! There are donuts in the staff room! It is Wed. and my defenses are set for Friday. -Amy

RESIST -Wendy

Or have a bite and chew 25 times to enjoy it but notice how you feel you probably wont finish- Wendy

Chewing that many times, never mind. I will resist. Now I want to have Mom meet me in Tacoma tonight to weigh.-Amy

Welcome to the group we work on a 12 step program yes you only get to weigh yourself 12 times a day- Wendy

Only 12 min more and I will have students and I will not be able to leave the room thus sequestering myself from the dangerous donuts.- Amy

My Colon Loves Me

Last week I made a conscious choice to 1) eat foods that I have in the house, 2) reduce cost of food by choosing filling stuff, and 3) get more fiber. The fiber only went on the list after I read the label of my bag of pinto beans.

HOLY LEGUME. Best that I write that and not COW as I broke up with beef.

1/4 cup dried pinto beans provides only 60 calories and 14 grams of dietary fiber. 56% of your daily fiber if consuming 2000 calories.

Felt great, lots of energy, knew I was treating my body good.

Caught a bit of Oprah's show last week. Alicia Silverstone talking about her new book on eating. Flipped channels, came back to it and heard Alicia say something to the effect of your pooh is so much better when you eat veggies and fiber. And Oprah commenting about the "S" shape of pooh with Dr Oz and sometimes she is so impressed with her #2s that she wants to show friends...

I can relate.

New numbers

Woo hoo! Our blogging has already made a difference in our actions, thinking and scale usage and now we have data to prove it. I am down three pounds and Wendy is down two pounds. I have more to write about thought process changes, but it will have to wait for another day.

As Bartles and James used to say, " ... and thank you for your support."
Amy

Hi I'm Wendy and I'm a Weighaholic

Okay folks. I went 4 days. FOUR WHOLE DAYS without weighing myself. Now this was not achieved through willpower, but rather the fact that Mom took the psychotic scales with her on Sunday.

I miss my buddy. I'd weigh in the morning. At least 3 or 4 times to see what common number came up. Then I'd weigh before I went to bed. As if this would magically help me lose weight.

So after feeling like I'd done well so far, I followed Mom to her house on Thursday night.

"Come on Reyde, we are going to Nana's."
"Can I play there?"
"It'll be a short visit."

Ugghh. ((sigh)

"Mom, I'm up a half a pound."
"Wendy, it's at the end of the day."
"We took our starting weight at 4pm."

So I promptly came home and checked online for a calorie counter. Found a website way too hard. Hello. That's the last thing I need; to sit at the computer for any longer than I do.

Turned my computer off to then go back later that night and look for the consumer report on the best rated home scales. Ohh, found one, Tanita Body Fat/Body Water Monitor BF-680W. Hmm, buy or not buy, that is the question.

The answer? NOT BUYING.
Another answer? Portion control. I measured what I thought was 1/2 cup of soy milk to be actually 1 cup. So the guessitimate of caloric coffee drink intake was 1/2 of what I am really drinking.

Alas, but I must break up with coffee. Coffee can go hang out with beef and commisserate about how crappy a girlfriend I was. http://glovegalgab.blogspot.com/2009/08/breaking-up.html

Did weighing myself help my weight loss this week? No. Did the fact that I am blogging about this help? Yes. Because my actions changed. Normally, I'd have gone and eaten ice cream.

So.....I go to rest and get up in the morning to walk/run with my friend and get my game on. I coasted this week. My sissy la la has not. While this is not a competition, every once in a while Aim and I compete. She confided years ago that she was always trying to stay one step ahead of me, that I'd out do whatever she set her mind too. Mind you, I NEVER KNEW THIS, I was all consumed with pining about how I didn't have her group of friends.

I love you Amy. Game on SISTA! And game on to any other of my SISTA'S from otha Mistas and Mommas.

Confessions

Wendy is correct in that I too am motivated. Now that my world knows I am eating to live rather than living to eat, I am acting in my best interest. I am benefitting from knowing that others are watching and I know they know I know they are watching. I am not, nor have I ever been, good at failing. Since I have publicly declared my intentions, I must act on them or risk failure. Now for a lesson on twisted thinking. "If I do not attempt to lose weight and increase my physical fitness, I cannot fail when I am still fat and out of shape in the spring." That is out the window now.

The space time continuum does confound me at times and Tuesday morning I was dressed and ready for work 30 minutes earlier than usual but somehow failed to pack my lunch. I threw together food and left. In the days before I reported my food and beverage intake to Wendy I would have grabbed a school lunch or stopped by Quizznos on the way to my second building, but I do not want to attempt to figure the caloric or nutrional value of a school lunch and the choices at Quizznos would not be what I need. Just knowing that I have to tell Wendy what I have eaten has prevented just for fun eating. The power that woman has over me!!!

Wendy and I have shared a number of emails and telephone calls back and forth about her intention to confess her three digit number to James. I suggested that she not tell him. An excerpt of our exchange follows.

"James has touched you in your current physical state. While he may not know the actual number of pounds you weigh, he is aware that you are at an unhealthy number. What do you hope to gain from saying "230 pounds?" Are you really wanting to let him know that you acknowledge it is not okay or acceptable anymore and you recognize that you want to be different, for both yourself and for him.

While I have not said anything to Roger yet, I do wish to apologize to him for being so overweight. I need to be healthy for both of us, and I do not wish to embarrass him any longer. (No, he has never said anything about embarrassment or even looked like he was, but in front of his brothers I am bothered. I want him to be proud of his "catch.")"

I think it is my turn for confessions tonight, but not in the dark. I talk in my sleep and Roger will likely chalk up anything I say with the lights out to that.

Thank you all for your words of encouragement,
Amy